I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
