getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
