if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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