I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
