I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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