Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
