halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
