well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How does one acquire holy water?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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