so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
