My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
