hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
