I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
