who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
