somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
