Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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