John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Blood and glitter go together right?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
