my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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