youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
