I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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