I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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