i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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