How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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