If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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