Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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