and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
