She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
