I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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