we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
