Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would fuck him just for his dog
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
