Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
