Swine flu. Run for my life!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
