I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
