You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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