I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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