i already hear my dad disowning me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
