I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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