just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
