the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
