that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
