I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
