Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
