Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
