they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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