did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
COCAINE IS GR8
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