How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have post one night stand depression
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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