i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
