Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
