Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
