Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
