I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
