My brain says no but my pants say off.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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