i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
