@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
