considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
